SORRY I'VE REPEATED A PHOTO!!!!

A WALK IN THE PARK??

Well this weekend saw another milestone (or was it millstone?) in my recovery progress. Since I started playing golf again a little while ago, I have been driving round the course in a buggy. However I decided that it was time to get back to walking. So on Saturday for The Untouchables Monthly Medal I set off on foot to tackle the course. I was supported by a new, very fancy electric trolley, which carried my bag and all the kit. It's really very special to walk the course; you get to feel the grass under your feet and somehow become 'at one' with nature. (How pretentious is that?) The walk was a real joy, but I was absolutely exhausted by the end. My legs and feet felt as though they were going to fall off but I'm happy to report the heart worked a dream!! I had to decide whether or not I should walk again the next day because I was, very unusually playing with The Titans on Sunday. Anyway I decided I would take to my legs again and made it round the course for a second time. It was a great struggle but I feel I really achieved something important in my full recovery. I shall walk again at every opportunity to improve my health and fitness. The weather on both days was beautiful - a really good time to be alive.
Now I'm looking forward to a few days in Spain where I will relax a bit, play some golf and watch Europe slaughter the USA in the Ryder Cup.
I intend to play as much golf as I can in the next month or two while, hopefully the weather remains kind and before I have to consider the fact that I will be going back into hospital for my kidney transplant. I will be registered on the donor waiting list in November and then just have to wait until a suitable organ comes along. This could be anything from days to months, but I'll just have to see how it goes.
Also I'm happily rehearsing with the band for our next gig in October - I'm looking forward to it.
I will try to add more thoughts over the coming days and weeks as I approach my next surgery.

SORRY I'VE BEEN NEGLECTING YOU!!!

It's been ages since I last posted a message on my blog. Sorry I've been neglecting you, but somehow time flew by without me sitting down and setting my thoughts in print.
I've been carrying on with my regular kidney treatment and monitoring. I have virtually recovered the kidney function I had prior to my heart surgery, but there is deterioration - slow but sure. I've been advised that I don't have too long before I have to consider a transplant and that I now qualify to be added to the waiting list. I asked if my joining the list when I have a willing donor was perhaps rather selfish, but I was advised that it is perfectly acceptable. Apparently, a kidney donated from a deceased person has a life of around 10-12 years, although they can last up to 20. However, if I have a 'regular' transplant then I'm likely to need another one in time. So, I can keep Jonathan 'in reserve' for the next time, and there is the added benefit that I don't have to put him through unnecessary (for him) surgery at this time. Then if my 'new' kidney lasts longer than average maybe I never need to use him.
I'm glad to back on the golf course, and my game is gradually getting back to normal -RUBBISH!!
I'm also back rehearsing with the band and thoroughly enjoying it.
Work is OK, but somewhat difficult at the moment because of the dreaded credit crunch, but at least I still have plenty to do.
I will try to add more very soon.

REAL PROGRESS THIS WEEK

This week I felt that I was making real progress in my recovery. I had an appointment with my cardiologist who, after a thorough examination told me that I had made sufficient progress to be discharged from his care! This is great news because I am now considered to be satisfactorily healed not to require further monitoring. My breast bone has healed very well, and, although it is still sore I don't have to treat it with 'kid gloves' any more. I still have to be cautious, but I can now be the judge of what I can and cannot do. I am OK to start golf at the beginning of June, but I have been warned that I must pay attention to what my body tells me. I don't intend going 'mad' but I will be back on the golf course on the 1st June and I will play my society monthly medal on the 7th. Let's see how I get on!
My discharge from cardiac care also means that I am almost clear for my transplant surgery. My cardiologist suggested that I wait another month before I put myself forward. My renal consultant suggested that I wait 'til our next meeting in a few weeks time. I can then decide whether or not to go on to the waiting list or plan my donated transplantation. I would prefer to wait until the end of the Summer before I submit to further surgery. I just don't feel ready yet to go back into hospital for more major surgery. A lot will depend on how my kidneys perform over the coming weeks and months. Provided I can maintain my current level, I can safely wait until the end of the year, but if there is further deterioration I will have to either start dialysis or take the transplant that is available to me.
I do consider myself to be very fortunate in that a potentially life threatening heart condition was discovered and treated before I suffered serious consequences, and that I have the opportunity to receive a new kidney to give me an extended quality of life.
I'll let you know when I make some decisions.

BACK TO NORMAL!!!! Just where I belong

Hello again. I'm beginning to feel that I am slowly getting 'back to normal', yet I realise I don't really know what exactly that means! Over the last few weeks I've started back to work on a part-time basis, I've returned to rehearsals with the band, I'm driving regularly, but I still feel like an invalid. I'm not yet fully recovered from the surgery, I still have pain and there are still activities which are forbidden to me, notably golf! I've been told that I should be able to return to golf 'in June' but without specific advice as to when. SO I've decided that June starts on the 1st and that's when I can go back. I will start on the 1st by hitting some balls on the practice range and then play a gentle round at Dukes Meadows. I shall continue practice through the week and intend playing in my society medal competition on the 7th. I will drive round the course to preserve my energy, so watch this space for a report in due course.
Last weekend I twice visited my club at Pine Ridge to watch both my society and The Titans finishing their competitions. The weather was beautiful, and I enjoyed being in the company of many friends and acquaintances. It was a little painful being just a spectator, but knowing that I should be back very soon helped ease the 'pain'.
I'm still attending my regular rehabilitation class at Charing Cross Hospital, and they seem to be satisfied with my progress. Tomorrow I am seeing the cardiologist and renal consultant for a full update, and I'll write something about the outcome in the next day or two. Let's hope it's all good news.
Thanks again to all of you for your kind words and valued support. I'll keep writing if you'll keep reading!!!

Sorry I've been ignoring you!!

It has been some time since I last posted an entry on the blog, and I now feel really guilty for my laziness. As I improve in health and strength, I find myself doing more 'normal' things and somehow this blog seems to be so self-indulgent that I now question its' value. However one or two of you have asked for an update, and I realise I will benefit in writing this. My recovery proceeds according to 'plan' and I am now out every day. I have started working two or three days each week, I drive and I am allowed to shop, cook etc. I still have pain in my chest, and expect this to last for at least another month before the wound in my sternum has fully healed. My leg is much improved and I can take a good long walk every day without any serious discomfort.
I'm glad to report that my kidney function is gradually improving and it now seems likely that I will be able to avoid dialysis before I am able to have my transplant. I have to attend the renal clinic once a month for monitoring, and the blood analysis is very encouraging.
And I have started a weekly rehabilitation programme at the hospital. I go through a simple cardiac check and we exercise for approximately half an hour. I feel a benefit from this programme, although some of the exercises are quite tiring.
I was fortunate enough to travel to Mallorca for a long weekend recently (photo attached) where I had a super and relaxing time. David and Julia Kreeger were so very considerate, and made the trip a huge success. Of course there was no golf, but we enjoyed some lovely sightseeing and some excellent meals.
I hope to be playing golf at the beginning of June AND I'm planning on returning to band rehearsals within the next couple of weeks. AT LAST SOME NORMALITY IN MY LIFE!!!!!!
I will contribute more to the blog over the coming weeks, and as I progress towards my transplant I will express my feelings as I approach surgery yet again.
Don't desert me now.

False alarm - hopefully!

In my last posting I wrote about my being 'summoned' to the hospital because of concerns about my kidney function. I attended last week, and went through a series of tests to measure the exact position. It seems that the concern was based on results from Hammersmith Hospital just before I was discharged and that, by now, I may have recovered more kidney function. I don't have the results yet; they will come next week, but I feel reasonably confident that I will have recovered to close to my pre-operative state, and that there will be no need to consider further treatment (dialysis) at this time.
When I receive the results I will post a further entry, but, hopefully there will be very little to report.
What I can say is that I am improving day by day. My strength is gradually returning, and am beginning to feel like my old self. There is still some pain from the significant wound in my chest, but it has greatly reduced and I can almost feel it getting better. I'm now able to sleep reasonably well, and this also makes me feel better than I was. AND I have been able to start doing some useful work at the computer, so I now feel more useful than I have done for some weeks. It is not easy being so totally dependent as I have been up to now, but with some actual work I now feel I am beginning to take my place again as a contributing member of society!
Let's hope that this now continues without any setbacks.

Moving forward????

Today is exactly three weeks since my heart surgery, and my progress feels painfully slow - literally!! Whilst I appreciate that three weeks is no time at all following a major operation I am getting a little impatient. I still feel very fragile and every movement is an effort. Just getting myself out of bed in the morning is quite an achievement. Fortunately I am able to go for a walk every day, and this certainly lifts my spirits considerably. I don't walk alone, and am very lucky that I always have someone to accompany me. I still have quite a lot of pain, and have to continually take painkillers, which I am not very happy about, but it helps day by day.
Today I learned that there is still some concern about the recovery of my kidneys to a 'normal' function. I was contacted by the renal unit at Charing Cross hospital telling me that I must attend soon for a thorough examination. There is still the very real possibility that I may have to start dialysis quite soon if there is not a real improvement. I had hoped that I could avoid this procedure and that I could go forward to the transplant later in the year, but this may not be possible. It just seems that problem piles upon problem!! Any way I will go to the hospital next Tuesday and then we'll see just what is in store for me.
I will report further next week.

Slow but sure

It is now one whole week since my discharge from hospital, and being at home has been very good for me. But I am unbelievably fragile and weak, and my activities are severely restricted. Basically I am allowed to do NOTHING!!!! As an independent person I find it very difficult to have to rely on others all the time, but if I am to recover properly I have no choice. And I am so very fortunate in having loving family and friends around me helping me at every step of the way. I am able to take a short walk each day, and my dear friends are almost fighting over the 'privilege' to walk with me. Now I know how it feels to be a family dog- treasured and loved in equal measure but actually quite useless. I feel much better in myself, but I still do have a lot of pain from the wounds of the surgery, and I suppose I will just have to put up with this until the healing process is much further advanced.
Yesterday I visited my GP and she examined me. Apparently everything looks good and she is very satisfied with my progress. She gave me prescriptions for all the medication I need for the next month, and I went to the pharmacist with my requirements. I came away with a huge sack of drugs, which I have to sort into morning and evening doses over the next few weeks.
I don't suppose I will have much to write about over the next few days, but I will post news of any real progress.
I will be back!!!!!

A new beginning......

Amazingly it is now two weeks since I last posted on this blog and I have been through life-changing experiences in hospital. Before I talk about that I must thank Jonathan for his great contributions while I was indisposed - everyone has said how much they 'enjoyed' his notes (particularly the blog dated 7th February!).

So much has happened that I don't know how best to describe my ordeal. In simple terms the operation on the 7th was entirely successful and I was taken directly into intensive care. To say that I was more uncomfortable than I have ever been in my life is such an understatement, but I don't know how else to describe it. I was in tremendous pain, had tubes and needles attached to every available part of my body and simply had to 'lie back and take it'. Sadly, and as expected, my kidneys failed to resume normal service and I had to have dialysis for three days. This kept me in ICU for five days rather than the usual one or two. However I must say that the quality of the care I received was beyond any expectations. I became totally in awe of the dedication of the nursing staff, who treated me with such care and consideration throughout this time. I don't know that I would have got through it all without that fantastic care.
After five days, and with my kidneys beginning to function better I was transferred to the high dependency unit, where I stayed for a further two days. During this period I was gradually 'weaned' off the various 'attachments' to my body, and I started to recover some of my independence. This accelerated my recovery by leaps and bounds. The re-humanisation gave me confidence and I felt a true improvement.
With all tubes etc removed I was then moved to a cardiac surgical ward where I improved hugely almost minute by minute. After just two days the doctors decided that I was sufficiently recovered to return home. What a relief!!!
I came home on Saturday the 16th, just ten days after I entered hospital.
Now the full repair process begins.
I will post more progress reports as I move forward.

Moving To High Dependency Unit

I am glad to inform the readers of this blog that dad has been progressing really well and is getting stronger every day.
So far Dad's recovery has gone really well. He is enjoying his visits and looking forward to being moved up to the ward which will be tomorrow or Thursday.

Getting better

Just a real quickie. Dad is looking so much better today. He is still in intensive care and will be for another two days or so. He is very unwell but is recovering and gaining strength. The hospital staff are great and his mood is significantly improved today.
More tomorrow.

Doing well already...

Day two, Dad is doing well.
The docs are happy with his progress and are satisfied the operation went well. An unfortunate and unavoidable consequence of such a serious procedure is that Dad is in a lot of pain. Hopefully, he'll start feeling much better in the next day or so and should be moved out of intensive care on Sunday or Monday.
The hospital staff have been brilliant and are doing a great job in keeping him comfortable as possible and encouraging him to sit up and start moving around. The sooner they get the blood circulating, the better the recovery time will be.
Dad is really glad that so many people have taken the trouble to enquire about him.

It's Alive!

I have just heard that Dad is in the ICU and that the op went OK.
I will post another update when more is known.

Ready for battle...An emotional roller coaster

I have, in many ways been dreading today. Whilst I was beginning to feel relief that my 'day' has almost arrived, I knew that there would be difficult moments. This morning I went to the office 'just as usual' but of course it wasn't just another day. I spent a couple of hours fiddling around with necessary stuff, knowing that eventually I would be saying goodbye to my friends and colleagues. I don't consider myself a particularly emotional person, but I just knew that this would be a painful farewell. I suppose I've become acutely aware of my own frailties and vulnerability, and I feel really saddened by this whole episode. Sure enough when I finally came to leave I had great difficulty in suppressing my feelings, and there ensued a fairly touching departure! It's not that I think I've left for good, but there is a very distinct closing of various doors on parts of my life. I fully expect to return to work, fit and well, and to resume my usual functions.
On the positive side I have been hugely touched and encouraged by the support of my family, friends and colleagues and I will carry all your thoughts with me as I hand over to the medical team tomorrow. All I have to do now is turn up and leave the rest to them!!!!!!
This is not the end.........

End of the road...(almost)

After days and weeks of anticipation, questioning, fear, wondering and concern I am almost at journey's end. On Wednesday I enter Hammersmith Hospital, and on Thursday I will have my long-awaited surgery. I will be handing myself over to the professional cardiac team and have every confidence in their superb skills. My only prayer is that all will go well and that on Friday I can start looking forward to the rest of my life. It's as though I've been the leading actor in a typically miserable soap, and that my bosses have finally decided that I've outlived my usefulness and will be axed! But that is, in my view a really positive situation, and my new role will be happier, more positive and forward-looking. In my 'new' life there will be golf, music and hopefully lots of fun. AND I hope you will all be there with me enjoying every moment.
I haven't forgotten that I will need more surgery later in the year when it is time for my transplant, but somehow it seems a lot less daunting than this lot!!
This will probably be my last blog before surgery, but I hope to back 'with you' early next week when I can get in front of a computer.
Wish me well!!!!!!

A Long and Winding Road...

It's now more than six weeks since I was diagnosed with heart disease. It has been so long that I have begun to get used to it, while it still has an unreal feeling about it. I realise that with most sufferers, the time between diagnosis and surgery is just a matter of days or even hours. I've never known anyone who has been living with it for this long and I think this just makes it seem worse. I'm constantly thinking about the procedure and exactly what it means to me. I would much rather have been rushed into emergency surgery when I wouldn't have had a chance to dwell on it. But I suppose I have to agree that I've been very lucky, having been diagnosed before I became critically ill, and I've had the chance to put my affairs in order before I go 'under the knife'.
I just hope that I haven't driven everyone mad with my problems! I try to act normally, and talk of all matters other than health, but no matter how hard I try the spectre of the 'operation' eventually rears it ugly head. For that I apologise, and promise that, as soon as I come out of surgery I will positively view the future in a different light.
But please don't stop contacting me; I love to hear from you all, and really appreciate the tremendous support you've all given me.
It's getting really close now.

Live for the day

Why is it that we all know the saying 'live for today for you never know what tomorrow will bring' yet most of us ignore it? I have discovered, too late, the value of enjoying what I have, and now my ability is severely reduced I find I have some regrets. I know that I will be able to resume my life in a similar way to the past, but I will always wonder if I couldn't have done it better, and with more enthusiasm. What I hope for now is that I can communicate to others the value in 'doing it today' rather than waiting and saving and preparing, when that which you have been waiting for may not come in time!!
I'm not suggesting that we should all throw forward-planning and prudent behaviour out of the window, but I do now realise that we should only set-aside enough for the future without taking away our ability to enjoy the present.
I hadn't appreciated that this condition of mine would bring out the philosopher in me but it seems to have awakened a part of my mind that has been dormant for some time. Who knows, maybe this re-awakening will bring forward some deep and profound thoughts from my addled mind.
But don't hold your breath!!!!

When I'm 64!

Today is my 64th birthday, and I approach this milestone in my life with hope and confidence. I am hugely warmed and encouraged by the many messages of support and congratulation from my friends and family. I think some of my 'readers' have mistaken my fears at my upcoming surgery for negative thoughts. There is a distinct difference between the idea of the physical onslaught of heart and kidney surgery and the knowledge that, today these procedures are very common and usually successful. I believe I have the very best surgical team and I totally trust them with my body. I am confident that I will come out of this stronger and healthier, but I cannot avoid the fear of the unknown. I have never had to undergo major surgery and now, suddenly I am faced with not one but two operations in a short time. I am aware that both operations can be life threatening and, honestly this scares the pants off me!!!!
However I am sure that my life will be much improved after all this fuss, and I look forward to returning to the golf course, the band and my life with renewed vigour and enthusiasm.
So roll on my 65th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon......

There are those who consider a lazy Sunday, doing absolutely nothing as a prescription for heaven. How wrong!!! I'm spending another Sunday with nothing to do instead of most of my last few years when the day was pretty full. Waiting for surgery, and concerned that any extreme activity might cause a heart attack, I'm figuratively 'walking on eggshells'. Probably, my fears are way over the top, but I don't dare do anything that might trigger a problem; and I just do not want to have to go into surgery before the chosen date in February.
If you were told that you had a limited, and known amount of time left on Earth you'd probably want to go out with a bang; doing everything you ever dreamed of before it became too late. Yet here I am, waiting for the most serious medical procedure I have ever experienced, possible even life threatening, and am DOING NOTHING!!!! It just doesn't make sense. I'm doing everything to avoid bringing on a problem, and making my life miserable into the bargain. It's not that I'm negative about the result; I have every confidence in my medical team, I just don't want to become responsible for my own decline. The wait now seems interminable, but I made the choice, and I have to live with it.
Oh well, won't be long now!!

One step forward???

When I was first diagnosed with diabetes some years ago, I recognised that it would eventually impact my life; but I didn't know how much. I was warned that, to control my disease I would have to carefully control my diet, but that, with it being a progressive disease, other measures would have to be taken. After a while I had to add some medication to my diet control, but I always felt that I was in charge! However, and inevitably I also had to enter into a programme of checking all the various functions that could be affected. I had checks for my eyesight, the quality of the circulation in my limbs, and, perhaps most significantly my kidney function. Over the years my kidneys gradually deteriorated, until a year ago I was advised that I would have to prepare for a transplant in the next year or two. I accepted this bombshell, and resigned myself to a wait for a suitable donor, and possibly having to start dialysis if the organs finally became critical. Then some light at the end of the tunnel - I could see the possibility of a transplant before the need to commit to the drudgery of dialysis. I became very positive that my life would improve hugely and that I would be able to live normally.
Things began to move swiftly forward - or so I thought!. BUT as you now know my preparations for the transplant revealed a serious heart problem requiring urgent surgery. It just seemed that, as I thought I was moving forward, I suffered a blow which dragged me back.
However I have had such positive responses, that I feel confident that I will have a good outcome from my surgery. AND, at a meeting today with my renal consultant I learned that there is a very good chance that I won't have to go into permanent dialysis following the surgery. So there really is still light at the end of the tunnel.

The green green grass

It was with some reservations that I drove to Pine Ridge Golf Club today. I wasn't able to play, but I went to meet with my friends in The Untouchables Golf Society who were playing in the first medal competition of the year. It was a beautiful, if rather cold day but Pine Ridge looked it's best under a clear blue sky. Oh how I wished I could be out here playing the course, and, as I watched the groups coming home to the 18th green I felt a deep sadness that it will be quite some time before I will be back there enjoying the game I love so much. BUT I will be back and playing with all my heart!!!
I was very encouraged by the support of all my fellow golfers, and will take their good wishes with me through the tough times that are to come.
Thanks everyone!!

Not just routine!!

Yesterday I had a day at Hammersmith Hospital for the Cardiac pre-admission clinic. What a day! First of all everything was double checked - lung function, ecg, x-rays, blood tests etc etc. It's good to know that they are so thorough, but it is yet another reminder of just how serious this procedure is. If you consider it 'routine' to open the chest, chill the heart and connect it to an outside machine, collapse the lungs and remove a vein from the leg then, believe me you are on an another planet! Also I learn that this procedure will 'shut down' my kidneys, which then have to be re-started. Problem is that, with my very limited kidney function, there is a very strong possibility that they won't just 'wake up' after the operation and I will have to have dialysis immediately. In fact they will prepare me for dialysis before the operation by installing the necessary 'line' to allow easy connection to the machine. It just gets better and better!
I had a meeting with my surgeon, who was keen to ensure that I had all the information. He asked 'do you have any questions?' to which I replied 'yes, are you absolutely sure that I need this operation and that there isn't a simpler alternative?'. He explained that he had the clear evidence of the problem and that, because of it's severity there is no other option. I accept this, but I had to ask! I have to say that the entire team seem to be incredibly competent and confident, and very caring. I'm sure I will be in very safe hands and the outcome will be good.
I know that the recovery period will be quite long, and that I will have to 'look forward' to further surgery for my kidney transplant, but I remain positive about my future.
Let's see how things develop.

Good Day Sunshine!!

I woke this morning to bright sunshine in a clear blue sky and my first thought was of the first tee at Pine Ridge. I was reminded of my feelings as I stand on that tee, imagining my drive heading off down the fairway with a gentle draw lining up nicely for a simple iron shot to the green! But that was just in my mind. Sadly there will be no golf for me for quite a while now, and I do feel a void that, whilst not entirely unexpected makes me feel very very sad. The comradeship and competition of our regular matches with both The Untouchables and the Titans have become a hugely important part of my life, and I just hope that it won't be too long before I can get my clubs out of their temporary retirement and get back to the game I have grown to love.
I must be positive and look forward to my 'return' rather than regretting my current 'disability'.

Now it begins!!

Today I had the first of several hospital appointments in preparation for my forthcoming surgery in February. I had a chest x-ray and an ultrasound examination of my carotid artery to ensure that it is not blocked. Apparently everything looks OK - so some relief today. More detailed tests to come over the next 2-3 weeks.

Like falling off a log!!!!

It's funny but whenever I tell anyone about my 'problem' they always react the same way. First they say how sorry they are to hear the news and then they say something like 'it's just routine these days' or 'It's so common that they can do it with their eyes closed!'.
I know everyone is trying to be supportive and make light of the surgery, but somehow it doesn't really help. There is no real consolation in knowing that thousands of others have already had the same surgery with great success when I think about exactly what is about to happen to me. It's not that I'm feeling especially sorry for myself, but there is a very real fear of the unknown and only I can cope with the actual feeling. I just like to know that I have the support of my friends and colleagues, and that they will be thinking of me as I go through the ordeal.