MY 'OTHER' BIRTHDAY!!

What a strange day it is today; it is the first 'anniversary' of my heart surgery and it is having a very odd effect on me. When I went to bed last night I was very aware that, one year ago, I was in the pre-op ward at Hammersmith Hospital where I was being prepared for my surgery. When I fell asleep I fell into the most realistic dream. I remembered everything about that day, and, in my sleep I lived every moment of the preparation, from my arrival at the hospital, through my meetings with the medical staff, the full body shave, the special antiseptic shower; everything!! The last I remember before I woke up was being wheeled into the theatre. THEN I WOKE UP! and I was in dreadful pain, with my chest feeling as if it had been opened up afresh and was raw with the pain. I never believed in psychosomatic pain UNTIL NOW! It was just so real - and so painful that I almost cried out. I can't explain it, but the pain in my chest lasted right through the morning, and only started easing during the afternoon. As I write this I still feel very tender, with significant aching right across my chest. I would never have thought that this anniversary would have such an effect, but here it is.
I suppose I feel that today is my first 'other' birthday. After all I did doubt whether I would make it through my surgery, so I should feel celebratory.
Everything about this last year has been so meaningful, with many new experiences and a new determination to make the most of my life. I just hope that I can continue with a positive attitude, which should carry me through my next bout of surgery later in the year.
But that's another story!!